For the last few days I have been pondering the personality variations that I see reflected in my walk with Christ. Honestly, I am not the same person at all times and I’ll bet I am not alone?
My spiritual life seems somewhat situational in how I respond to God and of course that is felt I am sure when I interact with my peers.
First, there are the humble times, when I know my limitations, and my dependency on God and His favor. It is in these moments of child-like faith, that God affords my most tender moments of heightened intimacy with the Father. Ironically, it is in these least often moments that I make the best decisions for everyone involved, and like young David, have minimal difficulty with the giants in my life.
Then there are the Saul (I Samuel) moments, when this “choice, handsome” candidate for leadership, confident in his skill set and in his relationships with others, steps to the plate. It seems “he” is most present, when those rightfully anointed to lead show up a little late, or make recommendations that don’t quite fit my approval! Seriously, have you not had egotistical moments like this, at least in your inner thoughts; if not actually demonstrated publicly, before you have had time to think or better yet pray through your attitude?
Then thankfully, there are those occasional mature moments, when not only are we fully aware of our human ploy’s, but like the Saul who became Paul “Oh, wretched man that I am”, (God save me from myself), we possess a secure sense that the sovereign Lord is in control. It is in these times, that we make our most productive and sustainable life changing contributions to others; true mentor moments, that better frame the next generation’s thoughts and add value to the Kingdom of God.
So, why the broad range of emotions and the diverse demonstration of character evident in my life journey? Should this be, given that I am not only a born-again Christ follower, but now an aged disciple?
It may be here, that the scriptures are most validated for me, becoming the proven and relevant, sacred literature that we profess them to be. For in my life application, I find texts like Romans 7 to be authentic, along side other references to my frail human condition, this cracked vessel that also houses the power of the gospel; this sacred ark, this wooden box that God has covered over with His own divinity!
Yet, when I allow the Holy Spirit full access to this marvelous person that God has created me to be, I experience a Christ-likeness that transcends my weakness and trans-communicates His qualities. At times, it’s as if I want to point to what I know just happened through me, and say… “if you have seen me, you have seen the Father.” Of course there are other times when I want to apologize to God for both my decisions and the failures they sometimes bring on.
This reinforces the necessity that I treat every day as a new day, leaving the past behind, when my old man, Saul, the Benjamite takes control, bringing injury to others and limitations to the Kingdom.
With each morning, I must reframe my life in the reality that my inward man is in fact daily renewed, and as well, that my rightful dependency is on God; and with Him, I need nothing more than a few stones to slay the giants that life has to offer.
My Saul-like nature is then radically transformed into that of a servant leader, who experiences abundant life in each moment, and like Paul, of the New Testament, the powerful Spirit of the early church is released through me, as I engage the marketplaces of my life.