Reflections In A Vulnerable Moment

Vulnerability for a high energy, once fully engaged, thought leader (hear the arrogance), is humiliating. The need for intervention is apparent!

As I told a young thirty something who called yesterday to ask for insight, humiliation is a gift, the seedbed for authentic humility.

So here I sit, being humbled, thus a better man!

While I await release from the tethering of my catheter (can't believe my transparency) I decided to capitalize on this homeboundedness by addressing some computer challenges as Microsoft 11 comes on board.

I called my amazing computer tech, my human AI czar and released my technology into his hands.

This morning as I watched a long delayed synchronization of my laptop with the cloud, the titles of my musings scrolled the screen, almost daily since 2009. I was struck with the reality of my seemingly progressive "revelation" and gradual theological shift. Good or bad, the jury is still out.

As a 4th generation Pentecostal, I have been privileged for some 50 years to observe the occasional miraculous among believers, as well as the propped up belief systems of institutional religion across numerous denominations.

How we get by with our faith walk and such limited demonstration beyond mere words is interesting, especiallyamong evangelicals. But then as well, we are so challenged by the rich medical knowledge base readily available via technology.

Still it astounds me. It's hard these days to wait upon the Lord without folk thinking your crazy!

Frankly, its humilating...there's that word again. Seems God might be up to something?

Here I have sat for months with the possibility of an amazing miracle, yet the threat of an abbreviated life apart from medical intervention. You have no idea how difficult these last few months have been given an ever increasing PSA, multiple biopsies and rising Gleason score ratings.

I'll let you look that stuff up, as I await pathological inputs now that I have surrendered my fate to an invasive robot, though guided by a trusted oncologist.

Dad's recent death in his 100th year, thus a DNA that gives promise of more years than the 3-5, should these derelict cells escape, and as well, the desire for further impact upon those whom I love, drove me to consent to a radical surgery, though my preference would have been a good story.

I guess early detection is also a good story, though the recovery and short term disability deeply humiliating for this Pentecostal.

Thanks for the gift, God.