The title sounds a little dramatic, but actually fits the feeling I have at this point in my life. Maybe all this is the result of chinks in my spiritual armor?
You be the judge!
My last 50 years have been blessed with intensely gratifying and quite productive weeks. Each morning, with few exceptions began with scripture, listening to the Spirit and then, I'm out and about serving the community by way of varied vocational commitments.
Each week has also benefited from a good "Word from the Lord" and worship by way of a local church body...normalcy!
Something has shifted.
While I was doing what I had been taught, the world changed, though the "how" by which we church folk approached the world has not, short of musical styles and in some cases a modified sanctuary feel. Thank God for high tech!
The "why" I live has always seemed admirable to those with whom I worshipped and worked, but the impact as compared with my earlier life in Christ, now seems less remarkable. Something has shifted on our watch!
You would think with age, experience, and a deepening love for others, some Velveteen Rabbit-like story would unfold as one matures. Maybe I am just an old toy, but like the rabbit, "the idea of growing shabby and losing his eyes and whiskers was rather sad." He wished that he could become, without these uncomfortable things happening to him.
This moment is uncomfortable, my kind heart jarred awake by the realities of a world never intended, and one that, again, happened on my watch as a believer!
Back around to my Gallup Strengths Assessment:
"Because you have high Responsibility, you take psychological ownership of what you say you will do. You are committed to stable values such as honesty and loyalty."
Couple the above assessment with my awareness of this Red Zone moment in my life, and you will sense an urgency that I can do little to reduce, short of complete transparency of thought, with the hope of some generational transfer of wisdom.*
I hear some folk say, if they had it to do over again they would live life the same.
Myself, I would be a little more guarded as to what I interpreted based upon the opinion of others. Hindsight!
These occasional, though now more frequent morning posts, which actually began in 2009 seem to have become a work of the Spirit, now finally nudging me toward a clear reality with regards to our current brand of American Christianity.
As a young friend and mentee encouraged me just yesterday, "I think you should own your voice and stop projecting fear about being misunderstood or 'crossing lines' because you keep thinking you're committing heresy but I've only heard truth and / or critical thinking. Both of which are needed." I shall try!
Another shared, "today's blog post feels like you've broken through from life lessons/history to more of the cabin talk convos i've come to love and appreciate with you!"
Maybe I am on to something!
Yesterday's blog was initiated by a nudge to look deeper into the origins of my long treasured doctrinal persuasions. So much of that taken at face value, and selectively reinforced by Biblical text.
Though don't get me wrong, I am moreso than ever convinced of a Higher Power given the dramatic, epiphany-like interventions in my own life. I am just more determined than ever to revisit things, somewhat differently than my Momma's Theology!
As well, having been privileged to work with and be mentored by some of the best of leaders, still there were moments of apparent gaps in human behavior, given values espoused. So, from a rational perspective, I began to apply that same awareness toward those ancient few through whom we both recieved the scriptures, as well as those who framed the doctrines of the Institutional Church.
Bottom line, a lot of what we believe about God is better suited to human behavior, than the nature of God. My guess is that was the reason the Word became flesh, so as to contrast the Biblical image of God with the true nature of the Father.
So much so, that the uber religious then killed the Christ!
Having grasped the gap between humanity and the Christ, I find myself now applying that same logic to those elect, who have gathered over the centuries in various religious "councils." There they determined and interpreted holy writ for us, which makes a personal intimacy with the Christ and an openess to the Spirit even more critical, especially for me, now in my fourth and final quarter!
Just this morning, I was contemplating the idea of the Trinity, a concept that created our amalgam of the Godhead. God the Father, God the Son, God the Holy Spirit, the Three in One! It just rolls off my tongue, while deserving so much more thought than simply some graphic mental image of an Ancient One upon a throne, the Son to "His" right and a vacant chair to the left!
God is not a human and likely neither is the Christ now ascended, though while in the flesh of Jesus, He was fully human!
All that likely changed when his followers witnessed what we call the "ascension." His material being dissipating before them, into thin air! The energy that formed Him in Mary's womb released right before their eyes in some form, perhaps beyond our current awareness.
I hate to break it to you, but we do not fully comprehend all things, be they matter, energy or else! "Black holes" were unknown a few years back. Those witnessing the ascension a couple thousand years ago knew far less than folk today.
To me, all the above language makes sense when I consider the then limited knowledge of matter, energy and the "heavens." Certainly that would deprive them and even limit the Spirit's use of a more scientific language given their moment in time. To use that same language today to convey these truths may be to our disadvantage with the next generation, even if it feels "biblical".
Thus, the reason I suspect for so many modern versions of scripture, though all seem hesitant to fully align with modern science.
That has always puzzled me!
As well, the Holy Spirit is not some ethereal substance that only frequents our beings when we are "prayed up" or deep in some collective worship on Sunday's. Rather, a part of all things Creation.
Christ was the God-head in bodily form per Colossians, and now ever dwells in our being by habitation of the Spirit! God, the Divine Creator lives in us and provides the same capacity to live and love, as was witnessed in Jesus, the Christ, if we so choose.
That's powerful and deserves full demonstation wherever life has placed us. Hope you now see the distance between a patent answer regarding the Trinity, the ascension and the powerful realization of the Christ in us!
Not sure I was ever given such "laity license" earlier in life, either as a child or even appropriately "sent out" by the church as an adult.
In closing, age tends to enlighten those willing to escape the slavery of "making a living," and who dare pursuit of their true calling!
Per my experience, that pursuit affords a sense of abundant life, adequate provision and high impact, but as well a license to think! Thinking through all that one has been taught, while also trusting in others. That's always a fine line and a necessary balance, especially in moments of seismic shift!